Only in Colorado Springs (Craig Gets Roofied)

Sorry for being MIA. College life can get pretty hectic with all the BS-ing papers, chasing girls, and all out bro-ing out one man can handle.

On the topic of bro stuff a very unbro thing happened this weekend in Downtown Colorado Springs.  My buddy Craig got roofied.

Here is a brief overview

• ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! The one time we EVER go out… EVER, someone gets roofied.  Go figure
• Of all the people we were with, it happens to a burly man
• That shit isn’t as funny as “The Hangover” portrays it. In fact it’s almost reckless, but that’s Hollywood for you.
• WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?! SERIOUSLY! The one time we try to take in the nightlife and it could've turned in to a crappy LifeTime Original Movie really quick…  Just Ridiculous.

The night started like any other day, I just got off work at 10 PM and headed over to pick up Craig and our buddy Chris “Franzia/ Franz” (Don’t ask where the nickname came from. It’s not that interesting) for our first real Down Town Colorado Springs romp.

We started the night at Tony’s, a local Dive with pretty good pitchers and fun crowd. Franz was being his usual manimal self, slopping everywhere, and talking mad shit about our friend Summer’s boyfriend’s legendary beast dong. The look on Summers face was priceless and I was about to give Franz an Oscar for “Greatest Actor EVER” because I was laughing my ass off. Franz is such a functional drunk he just becomes the life of a party, cracking jokes, and being an all around smooth bitch. He’s like a modern Frank Sinatra on acid. I can never tell if he’s acting around, being serious, or is just shitfaced.

The night progressed on as the party train we were on bounced to Blondie’s, a very classy establishment know for its strict dress code and bevy of girls waiting to get down.  Franz and I just made our ways to both roof top patios to just chill. It was a pretty dope spot and was the last really fun place we were at. Franz and I had a couple drinks, mingled, and told our party we would catch up with them.

Colorado Springs has some pretty cheesy bar names, so the last place we went to I don’t even properly remember. It either way it was once Rum Bay or the Thirsty Parrot, or some other shitty name that was an attempt to put a little taste of Jimmy Buffet in a quiet, respectable, Christian, God Fearing, minority fearing mountain town.  Their rum and cokes were super strong though that you had to squeeze the orange slice they gave you in it to keep it from burning your nostrils every sip. Franz and I found our way to the restroom where we made some clever and entertaining “God bless America, 9/11, Freedom isn’t Free, and no midget-pissers in my country” conversation with a local before finding Craig down stairs with Summer and our friend Mike ready to go.

This is the part where Craig gets roofied.

We stopped by for one last drink at Jack Quinn’s, the classic homely Irish Pub where dock workers would travel to after a long days work and drop $20 on a beer and some fish and chips. Craig was acting pretty strange at this point, but not out of the ordinary. He just seemed really drunk. We did our business before eventually making our way to King Chief, a local baller ass eatery with the best breakfast burrito of all time.

At this point, Summer and Mike were off in some trendy/ super lame/ College kids go in and stick out like a sore thumb Martini and Cigar bar, while Craig, Franz, and I waited to feast when all of a sudden Craig stands up and says “I’m out” and just left.  I was perplexed as to what to do. Our food showed up, and Craig just bounced. I looked at Franz and said “What do we do?”… Franz’s response… “I don’t even give a fuck anymore… our foods here” Craig just went outside to meet Summer and Mike. Franz and I destroyed our plates and rolled out. We said our peace and bounced. From that point, Craig got home safely through Mike, but had one hell of a night wondering why he was puking his guts up all in to the Sunday.

Franz’s night and mine ended a little less exciting. By this point Franz is no longer Al Pacino and is acting more like a drunk man begins to piss in the middle of Acacia “Hey let’s go see what it feels like to get stabbed” Park when three dudes start talking nonsense. Franz and I collected ourselves, kept it real while these three dipshits continued to look for trouble until we got to the car. We bounced, I dropped him off, than I headed home.

Thus ended the first journey in to the heart of Colorado Springs. Will it be the last? Probably not, but from now on I know everyone is fair game in this when it comes to psychotic, asshole, monstrous, and down right low life behavior when trying to have some good old fashioned fun…. Another reason to love this city.